Family, Death, Sickness, Depression, Hope

 I have been quiet recently because I wasn't sure what to say. I know sounds odd for me not to have words to say, but when life throws you curve balls you didn't expect, I tend to get quiet because I am wrapped up in other things. 

In August we were blessed to have 2 short visits from my son while he was doing some travelling. Even though the visits were short, we were happy to have him here with us for a short time. 

We had several folks we know become very ill with COVID complications or other disorders and lost a few long time friends in the church. 

In early September, Daddy got congested and it dragged on, so he went to the doctor to get tested for COVID and that test came back negative. 2 weeks later, with major ear pain and headaches, I would go to the doctor and get a COVID Test and Strep Test. Both tests turned out negative and the diagnosis was a double ear infection. So I was put on strong anti-biotics to fight the infection.  

Between being sick myself, helping mom/dad, running out of medication and lots of life stress, I had a severe meltdown a week before my birthday.  I knew my mental stability was in danger and my depression was winning. I had suicidal thoughts and seriously just wanted to get in my car and drive away and completely isolate myself.  I did not do this, I came home to pack a bag and decided to take a nap and slept the rest of the day. 

 Sleeping and depression go hand in hand and it can become an ugly downward spiral if you don't get a handle on it. My husband David has been my rock during all of this. He understands depression and doesn't shun me during my episodes. I had my medication refilled and once it got back in my system, my mind settled down.  Medication helps and sometimes needs to be adjusted so if you are on medication, take it as directed and stay in contact with your doctor telling them all of what is going on. 

I have had to make a schedule and stick to it. The doctor suggested I take at least one day a week for myself and that is Sunday for me. I also try to take breaks from the house during the day even if it is only to go for a drive with my favorite praise music blasting. This helps me get my head back on the right track.