Goodbye April, Hello May

As we say our goodbyes to the month of April, let us choose to say good bye to uncertainty and fear.

{Pulling back the curtain - transparency time}

Last week I hit rock bottom, my depression got a hold of me good and I tried to sleep it off, I tried to crochet it away, & I even tried to lose myself in food/drink thinking that would help ease the pain.

Most of you know I lost my job back end of January and how that rattled me into a spiral that was very ugly to live through. I had 9 months in that job and really liked the place I worked and felt like I had landed someplace for a while. But, God had other plans and I am so glad he did!

Depression, anxiety and self-loathing set in and I had to force myself to leave the house and even if I had plans made, I often made myself sick and became a home-body that rarely left home unless I had to.

I accepted a position with a CPA firm here in town and there is so much to learn. I have been here 2 1/2 months now and feel pretty good about the job now. I am my own worst critic when I mess up. I beat myself up, expect write-ups and only see doom/gloom.

 My husband has been a great listener and encouragment during this journey. My friend in East TN has been a great listener and has prayed me through lots of issues and the ups and downs as I learn my job duties.

I have always been very hard on myself. And the devil has a heyday when I let down my guard and get sad or moody about something that didn't go as I had planned.

What did I do this past weekend? I did the dishes, put away the clean dishes, straightened up the kitchen, watched my CW shows and finished a crochet project.  In essence, I only touched the items that I could control. 2 nights last week, I got home and went straight to bed and if you know me, you know that is a sign of my depression.

I was expecting to be chastised today for not getting certain things accomplished. However, as my hubby predicted, this was not the case. All is well and my boss even brought me a coffee mug from their trip to Florida.

I guess even after all these years, I still don't realize what true appreciation is. When it does happen, It truly surprises me.

So, starting today (right now even), I am going to work really hard on thinking positive and changing my mindset so the devil cannot get a stronghold in the future. Will you join me?