Run Away Mode

When things get overwhelming and I don't see a way out, I tend to become even more introverted than normal.

My stomach knots up, I snap at friends & co-workers without meaning to and I am just in "hate the world" mode.

Yes - My depression is in full range mode. I don't even care all that much.  I just need things to change and change fast.  I feel like a volcano ready to blow it's top and I have no where to turn.

I have started putting in job applications because I need a job with benefits, more than a paycheck.

I hate what I see in the mirror right now and I feel helpless to change it.

I have many things to be thankful for and I have been through much worse work atmospheres and was truly stuck in those places/situations.

But I have seen the light and I know that there is always a choice to be made and a way out.

When you love what you do and you see the benefits in every thing you handle, then you know you are making a difference. When you hit brick wall over brick wall and keep having to do things over and over again (through no fault of your own), you just want to throw up your hands and say forget it.

 Normally, I would have gone for a walk outside, but you see we have an armed man loose in town/county that shot a cop this morning. So, I stay inside and look for a solution while a headache comes on and I am forced to take some Advil to put the headache away.

There is no easy fix to the things I face. Only God knows how all this will work out.  But, I am very disappointed in myself, my supervisor and the situation all around.

Honestly, I just need a job at hobby lobby where I can organize the yarn or work the register and all will be well in my little corner of the world. 

So if you see me packing a bag and running for the hills, give me a hug, say a prayer but don't try to talk me out of it and don't you dare say "get over it", cause that will only put you on the no-contact list but it will hurt more than you know.