Trapped, Fearful and about to give up

I have always tried to remain transparent with my blog because I feel that to sugar coat my feelings is lying to myself and those who read along with my story.

I am afraid of so much these days
I am afraid to ask for a raise
I am afraid to ask people to help me
I am afraid of losing my ability to work
I am afraid of losing myself
and I am afraid of losing my children

We have a houseful this summer and while there is laughter, there is also depression, sorrow, sadness, illness and lots of worry. All of this stirred up gives us emotional breakdowns and people just afraid to communicate for fear of upsetting the other person.

I want to help, but there is truly nothing I can do or the help is not wanted.

I wake up in tears and sometimes go to sleep in tears. I know my tears solve nothing but this is my reality. I want to give them all the help I can, yet I have very little to give.

I am 48 years old with multiple health issues and a job that barely pays the bills.

I pray day and night that God will give us the path to take on this journey so that we can do the most good for family. I know God answers prayers and has answered many for us this year with new jobs, bringing my son back to Tennessee and other healing messages we so desperately needed.

I have a roof over my head, food in the cupboard and a loving husband that works just as hard as I do to provide for those we love. I am well and truly blessed. I am all of these things and still a daughter of the Most High King.

Take care of you so you can provide care to others. Love each other, clean up your mess and work together with those who are trying to help you.